


A change of pace

by Julia_Odvina



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: 2nd chapter is a comfort chapter with a dash of angst, 3rd chapter has self-harm, Chapter 5 is fluff, F/M, First chapter is fluff, Massive trigger warning for chapter 4, Trigger warning for 3rd chapter, You Have Been Warned, also angst, genres will vary chapter to chapter, will update tags as I post more chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julia_Odvina/pseuds/Julia_Odvina
Summary: Just random word dumps for the boys. Enjoy!
Relationships: Enomoto Mineo/Reader, Okazaki Kei/Reader, Sasazuka Takeru/Reader, Shiraishi Kageyuki/Reader, Yanagi Aiji/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are surprised because of you.

Shiraishi is surprised at how much affection you show him.

The many kisses on his cheeks, forehead, nose, ears, lips, jaw, neck, etc.

The way your hands glide tentatively over him, no matter what you two might be doing, kissing and hugging, crying and laughing. 

The sweet words of adoration you whisper in his ears and say without hesitation. The fondness in your voice as you speak to him about anything and everything you can think of; the tender smile your face would wear. 

You treated him as if he was worthy of love and affection. 

Even if you were angry, you would always try to control yourself and act in a calm, collected manner, as to not hurt him.

You were always thinking of him. 

You are his light, his home, and where he will forever return to.

\---

Yanagi is surprised at how much you appreciate his kindness and thoughtfulness.

It's only what everyone, but especially you, deserves, he thinks. Utmost kindness and consideration.

His heart warms at the sight of your smile, as you thank him wholeheartedly.

Your efforts to repay his compassion are just as earnest.

You're plenty enough as you are, he thinks. Brave, selfless, passionate, and so, so much more. 

You had plenty to give, and plenty to receive.

No matter what, you'll always be enough in his eyes. You were the one who gave him the courage to move forward, after all.

\---

Okazaki is surprised at how fussy you get over him.

His job isn't easy and can be quite dangerous. And it's not like he's the best at taking care of himself, either.

You always fuss over him like how a parent would over their child. Asking him if he ate and slept well enough, and always taking care of any wounds he would get while on duty. 

You would always scold him, even more than Yanagi would, whenever he got hurt or if he didn't take care of himself well enough to satisfy you. 

He knows that you care deeply for him, and can clearly feel your love through your actions and words.

In truth, he doesn't mind if you do fuss over him. He thinks it's cute.

You're genuine in all that you are and he appreciates that. You gave him a reason to live, and taught him to value his own life.

He's thankful for it. He enjoys life more now, after meeting you.

\--- 

Sasazuka is surprised at how well you two work together.

He won't deny that he has a sharp tongue and a bit of an attitude, and those things have pushed a lot of people away from him.

You, however, accepted those parts of him and even bounced back despite his harsh words and actions at times.

He could be himself, show his true self to you, and would never be pushed away. 

You wouldn't push him away no matter what, so the only option was to let you in, he thinks.

It's only fair. You're shown his true self, and in return, he's shown your true self.

You two have nothing to hide from each other. 

This is fine, he thinks. As long as you were here for him, he would never be led astray.

\---

Enomoto is surprised at how you don't laugh at him when he embarrasses himself. 

You never ignore him and always take him seriously whenever he wants to be taken seriously.

He could make an absolute fool out of himself, and yet you would never laugh at him for doing so.

You're always so kind, he thinks. Just like Yanagi.

He'll work as hard as he can to repay your kindness.

Just like how Yanagi had faith in him, so did you, and you even helped him regain and stick to his convictions, to believe in them again. 

You even helped him to believe in the most important thing of all, himself.

He can never thank you enough, he thinks.

He'll never betray the trust and faith you've put in him, never. 

\---

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing but fluff with references to their routes.


	2. Feeling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone they care about is feeling down, so the boys rush to their side to cheer them up.

_ Whenever it rains, it aches. _

The rain had always reminded me of tears.

Whenever it rained, it always seemed like the sky was crying. Weeping.

Despairing for what, I didn't exactly know, but it always came across that way.

"How much longer are you going to stand out there? It's raining. You're going to catch a cold."

I could hear Yanagi's voice call out to me from behind, and I turned around to face him.

He looked concerned. My heart twisted. He was always, so, so kind.

I met his eyes briefly and then looked away, afraid I would burst into tears.

"What's wrong?" He walked up to me, taking off his coat and carefully wrapping it around me.

He pulled the fluffy hoodie over my head and I grabbed his hands.

"Aiji, I-" I stammered shakily.

I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry.

Yanagi was caught off guard, but grasped my hands firmly and then pulled me into a hug.

I was sobbing into his chest and he held me as tight as he could.

We stood there in silence, the only noise being my cries and the pitter-patter of the rain. 

When it rains, it aches.

I wasn't sure what hurt, but something did as I stood there being comforted.

I was sad. I didn't know why, but I was. 

Emptiness and pain were things that I'd often felt in my chest throughout my life. 

Seeing the rain pour, seeing the sky cry for seemingly no reason, reminded me of that pain. 

\---

Aiji Yanagi was observant.

Maybe not as much as Kageyuki Shiraishi, but he still noticed things more easily than most people.

So he noticed right away when the girl had left to go outside, in the pouring rain, no less. 

He quickly followed after her, making sure to bring his jacket. As he thought, she wasn't wearing anything to protect herself from the rain.

The girl had stood in the rain, her back to him. 

When he called out to her, she met his gaze but then looked away. He could tell she was very sad.

His suspicions were confirmed when she shakily called his name and burst into tears soon after. 

He did what he felt he needed to do. To hold her and comfort her.

Aiji Yanagi was observant. He and the others could never miss the lifeless, tired look in the girl's eyes.

And they all knew that she needed them most if she looked like that.

They all knew that even she had her own burdens, her own malice to face.

Despite being so resilient, so bright and warm, there was also a deep coldness and darkness that could be sometimes felt from the girl.

She was suffering too, just like the rest of them.

So he held her as tight as he could, as if he could put her back together. As if he could fit those broken pieces that were her, together again.

He had to. They all had to.

They couldn't bear to lose her.

\---

After I had thoroughly cried myself out to Yanagi, he led me into the detective agency, and helped me dry myself.

I was now in the bathroom, changing out of my soaked clothes into an outfit he somehow threw together for me. It consisted of one of his spare shirts and a pair of sweatpants. 

As expected, they were a little big on me, but I didn't mind. It smelled like him, and that fact alone brought me a lot of comfort.

By the time I walked out of the bathroom, Yanagi had placed a mug of hot tea on the living room table.

"Drink. It'll warm you up. I can't have you getting sick, everyone else will kill me." He spoke with a sad smile, noticing how red my eyes were.

I nodded and sat down onto the couch, carefully grabbing the mug and then blowing on the tea before taking a sip.

Aiji sat down next to me, and slowly started stroking my still damp hair. 

I leaned into his touch, grateful for the warmth of the tea and his hand. 

"...Do you want me to call the others?" He asked tentatively, still stroking my damp hair.

"...Sure." I replied, voice hoarse from earlier.

He fished his phone from his pocket and dialed several numbers. He explained that I needed everyone with me right this instant and that it was serious.

Around 20 minutes had passed before Mineo burst through the door, looking absolutely panicked.

"Are you okay?!" The redhead yelled, making me flinch.

Takeru smacked him from behind as he was the second to enter and saw my reaction, scolding Mineo. "Idiot. Don't be so loud."

Kei and Kageyuki were the next ones to enter, and everyone looked worriedly at me.

Mineo, seeing that Aiji was by my side, relaxed a little as he and the others walked over to where we were sitting. 

"Enomoto, calm down. She's calmed down enough." Yanagi scolded him.

The redhead grimaced. "Sorry, Yanagi, but as soon as I got your call, I got really worried."

Takeru nodded. "This idiot was the most panicked out of all of us." 

The hacker wouldn't admit it, but he was extremely worried and rushed over as soon as he got the call. When the four of them met up at the entrance of the building, they all rushed up the stairs, desperate to see their two friends.

The idiot just happened to reach the door first, yelling and startling the girl. He smacked said idiot, of course. He didn't want the girl to be more hurt than she already was.

Sasazuka wouldn't admit that to anyone else but her, though.

\---

Okazaki had felt his stomach sink as Yanagi's words echoed through his mind.

_ "She needs us. Now." _

His mind raced with possibilities of what could've happened to her.

No, no, no. He couldn't think of such things now. 

He shook his head vigorously to clear the thoughts. 

If she needed him, he would be there.

She was his reason for living, along with his other friends.

She taught him to value his own life, and to enjoy living.

He would help her, no matter what.

\---

Shiraishi had felt himself go cold the moment Yanagi started speaking.

He was observant, even more so than the other man. It was a part of his job, after all. Part of what was drilled into him.

_ “She’s with me right now. The others are on their way.”  _

He felt cold, too cold, as he replied to the ex-cop with a strained voice.

“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Mukai had apparently noticed the tone of his voice, shooing him away, saying that she’ll take care of his unfinished work.

The woman had sighed as she said this, but she couldn’t hide the worried look in her eyes.

Shiraishi thanked her, stunning Mukai, as he shrugged off his lab coat and grabbed his jacket. He would never admit it to her, but he was thankful for her concern.

But there was someone he was more thankful for.

She needed him. He needed her.

He hurried out the door.

\---

My chest hurt as I looked at all of them.

They were all obviously very worried about me. 

I could feel my eyes fill with tears once again, and I hurriedly wiped them away with my hands.

Everyone but Aiji rushed over to me, panicking. 

I waved my hands, shaking my head, as I tried to stop crying.

“--’m fine. I’m fine.” I croaked, voice raspy.

“Yeah right.” Takeru flicked my forehead, making me flinch in pain. He then cupped my face and pulled me into a kiss, surprising me.

He pulled away, stroking my cheek. “Rely on us more, stupid. You’re not alone.”

I blushed furiously, looking away. “I am, dummy. I let Aiji call you all.”

Kei whined. "No fair, Takeru. You can't just kiss her in front of us." He was smiling, though. Probably because I was blushing. Bastard.

"Wipe that smile off your face, Kei Okazaki or I'll wipe it off for you." I threatened him, or tried to but he just laughed, patting my head as Takeru stepped back. 

Kei then pulled me into a hug, whispering in my ear. 

"Don't worry us like that ever again, okay?" He whispered, placing his hand on top of my own. 

I nodded, interlacing his fingers with mine. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Kageyuki shot him what looked like a threatening smile and Kei backed off. I whined at the loss of his warmth.

The blonde quickly kneeled down to my level and patted me on the head, gently ruffling my hair. “As much as I want to punch Okazaki and Sasazuka, they’re right.” Takeru rolled his eyes and Kei’s ever-present smile seemed to curve a little too much.

“Violence is forbidden, Shiraishi.” Mineo chimed in, covering my eyes with his hands.

I moved his hands away, as Aiji spoke. “Settle down already.” He said, sighing exasperatedly. 

“Well, now that everyone is here, what should we do?” I asked. “I’m not exactly comfortable with everyone leaving just yet…” I mumbled, looking down.

“Why don’t we watch some movies?” Kei suggested, beginning to saunter over to the TV but being grabbed by Kageyuki.

“Denied.” Aiji, Takeru, and I chorused. I was glad Kageyuki stopped him. “You’re just going to pick nothing but scary movies.” I whined, squirming.

Kageyuki let go of Kei’s collar. “How about we play with the stray cats?” 

“Stray cats?” Mineo tilted his head.

I chuckled at his reaction. “Yes, stray cats. Me and him play with a bunch of them all the time.” I smiled at the thought of the adorable furballs. 

“I suppose we could introduce them to the rest of you…” Kageyuki pondered aloud.

I nodded. “Any objections?” 

The rest of the men shook their heads.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll wait for the rain to stop and then head out to find them.”

\---

As we were walking, I explained to everyone why I was crying.

“Aw, I’m sorry you feel that way.” Kei patted my shoulder.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I don’t feel as sad as I used to. Not since meeting you all.”

They all smiled. 

Kageyuki stopped and we all took this as the signal to pull out our assortment of cat toys we all got from him. I wasn’t expecting him to have so many on hand but he did. Typical. 

Several meows were heard as an array of strays of different colors and sizes emerged from their hiding places and started to come near us.

“Wah!” I was knocked over by a fast moving, white cat.

“Nice to see you too, number 14.” I patted the cat on the head as he happily pawed at and licked my face.

I could see the other guys having fun too.

Kageyuki was holding a chubby Calico and saying something about how fat the cat had gotten. Takeru was saying something about offering the Tabby he was petting donuts, Mineo loudly protesting as he struggled to carry a big Maine Coon. Aiji was surrounded by a flurry of cats, and was awkwardly trying to pet them all. Kei was rubbing his face in the Munchkin’s belly, as the cat pawed at him.

I got up from the ground, still holding number 14 and scratching behind his ears. His piercing yellow eyes narrowed in pleasure, as he purred.

  
  


Kageyuki was still holding the chubby Calico as he walked over to me. “Tsk, tsk, tsk.”

I looked up at him. “What’s wrong?” I asked, as I continued to scratch behind number 14’s ears.

“You know I saw that right? Number 14 kissed you right on the lips.”

I almost dropped said cat, and burst out laughing. “Are you jealous again?”

The blonde nodded, pouting. “His tail is high too, see?” We both looked down at the cat’s tail, which was indeed raised.

I was still laughing. “But you’ve done way more than just kissing me, though.” I bluntly stated, which made him blush. “Everyone here has.” The rest of the men blushed brightly, Aiji coughing, I think he choked, Takeru scowled, that tsundere, Kei smiled embarrassedly and Mineo stammered, haha.

We continued playing with the cats for about another hour, before heading back to the detective agency.

Once we were there, we all decided to part ways, the men all giving me a kiss or a hug to say goodbye and saying to be careful on the way home.

\---

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I don't know where I was going with this one. Oh, well. Enjoy!


	3. Immortal!Reader AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys find out you're immortal.

In the beginning, you hated your immortality.

While death took away all of those close to you, it never dared to take you. 

You always waited for it to, but it never did. And you cursed it. You cursed death for taking away your loved ones instead of taking you. 

Your immortality was a punishment from the Gods for killing one of their kind.

Were you somehow cursed? Had the blood of the dead mixed with your own? You didn’t know.

Nevertheless, you knew something was wrong when you were fatally wounded but you didn’t die. The first time, you thought it was just nothing but luck, but as soon as it kept happening and you still didn’t die, you knew something was terribly wrong.

You could always feel the pain of being hurt, but it would always go away. You noticed that you never got sick with anything or get tired. You were disgustingly healthy. 

The agonizing snapping, cracking, and twisting of your bones when your head had reattached to your body by itself was what really confirmed it for you. 

You screamed. 

Still screaming and tears streaming down your face, you had stabbed yourself in the chest over and over again. 

The wounds healed completely.

You cut off your legs.

Your bones snapped and cleaved together as your leg reattached itself to your body.

You cut off an arm.

The arm reattached itself.

You screamed until your voice was hoarse and the only noise that could be heard was your wheezes and gasps.

There was  _ so _ much blood. 

\---

Yanagi and the others went cold when they heard a bloodcurdling scream from the room you were sleeping in.

They all rushed to you, even Sasazuka had abandoned whatever he was doing on his computer. 

Yanagi screamed your name as soon as he entered the room, the door slamming against the wall. 

You were panting, sweating profusely, holding your knees to your chest and rocking back and forth.

The brunette ran over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. “What happened?! Are you okay?!” The rest of the men ran over and crowded around your bed.

You were bombarded by a chorus of questions, and seeing your growing distress, Shiraishi spoke up. “Enough questions, she’s clearly distressed.” The blonde snapped, and the rest of them shut up.

“T-thanks.” You managed to stutter out, despite your throat and mouth feeling as dry as a desert. Your tongue was like a rock in your mouth. 

The profiler nodded, and the teal-haired hacker spoke. “What happened? You scared us all to death.” 

“Sorry…” I wheezed, still trying desperately to calm myself down and catch my breath. “I just had a bad dream.” 

“That didn’t sound like just a bad dream to me.” Mineo rubbed circles on my back. I was grateful for his kindness. “It sounded more like you had gotten stabbed or something.”

Kei nodded. “Yeah, I seriously thought we were under attack.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aiji asked tentatively. He was now holding my hand and I gripped it tightly.

“I can’t tell you… I’m sorry, everyone.” I bowed to them, and Takeru’s brows furrowed.

“Hah? If it’s just a bad dream, then surely you could talk about it. I think we deserve knowing what exactly happened to cause you to scream like that.” He reasoned.

I shook my head furiously. “I can’t! I can’t possibly tell you all!” I argued, tears streaming down my face.

“...It’s something serious, isn’t it?” Kageyuki said solemnly and I stared at him, confused.

“...W-what do you mean? What do you mean it’s serious?” My voice rose.

“No… There’s no way you could know.” I shuddered, not meeting their eyes.

Aiji spoke up. “If it’s something important, then you need to tell us. What did we say?” His hands settled on the sides of my shoulders.

I looked up at him and then away again. “...To rely on you guys more.”

“Right.”

“But it’s not something I can easily say… In fact it’d be easier to do rather than explain.”

The brunette was confused. “What do you mean?”

“Aiji, everyone.” I looked them all straight in the eyes. “I can’t die.”

Silence.

“...What?” Takeru said quietly. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“No, it’s not. I’m serious. I can’t die.” 

“I don’t understand. What do you mean you can’t die?” Mineo asked, clearly confused.

“I’ll show you.” I pulled my gun from its holster on the nearby desk, pointed it to my head, and fired without hesitation.

\---

The men were horrified.

You had just shot yourself right in front of them; your blood splattering on their faces.

For a moment, they were all too stunned to react or do anything, as your neck sickeningly snapped back from the whiplash of the shot you fired.

At the sight of blood pouring down your head, the men finally seemed to return to reality.

Aiji caught you before you could fall to the ground. He thought you had just killed yourself.

But you weren’t dead.

They watched, in a mix of disbelief and horror, as the bullet wound slowly closed and the bleeding stopped. 

An deafening silence followed as the bones in your neck cracked and snapped together, straightening your neck back to normal. You slowly raised your head to look at them. 

"....Believe me, now?"

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I should continue the idea in this chapter.


	4. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surrounded by the dead bodies of the ones you love, you reaffirm that you are a monster.
> 
> Another Immortal!Reader AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for game one.

You had gone to confront the leader of Adonis, Zero. 

Or rather, Saeki Yuzuru.

Aiji, Mineo, Kei and Kageyuki had followed after you, trying desperately to stop you.

As you struggled desperately against your own anger, Aiji had pleaded you not shoot.

But you did anyway.

The next few moments felt like an eternity.

Your shot had missed Saeki, and in return, the hidden guns in the walls had fired at the four men behind you.

They were all shot multiple times, killing them all instantly. 

You don't remember exactly what happened next, only that you were  _ enraged _ .

When you came to, Saeki's dead body lay dead on the floor. 

He was barely recognizable; everything about him was stained red with his own blood.

The bodies of your loved ones lay dead around you. 

_ Ah _ .

You lost them all.

You screamed.

Delirious, you tried to shoot yourself in the head.

But you had run out of bullets from killing Saeki.

Who else could've? The others had died before him, so it must've been you who killed Saeki.

You lunged at the fallen guns of the others, picking them up and swiftly shooting yourself in the head again and again.

Without fail, the wounds healed every single time.

The bullets felt like hell in your head, but it didn't matter.

Everyone was dead.

Everyone was dead.

_ Everyone was dead _ .

You fell to your knees and screamed until you could no longer scream.

\---

Sasazuka Takeru watched his friends die right before his eyes.

He watched you kill your former friend and watched you attempt to kill yourself.

He watched helplessly as you eventually fell unconscious.

You didn't speak, eat, or sleep anymore.

You just stared blankly, eyes devoid of anything and everything. 

You simply laid unmoving in the hospital bed.

It was as if you had died right along with the others.

No matter what he tried to do or say, you didn't react.

Takeru cried.

For the first time since his mother died, he cried.

He cried for the loss of his friends.

He cried because you were gone.

Your mind had broken. There was nothing left but your cursed body. 

Takeru would die and your body would still be alive, but with no mind to control it.

This was the price he had to pay for being powerless.

\---


	5. Omake: Dreams and Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You dream of some strange things.

“Watching cat videos is always so rejuvenating…” I laughed as the cat on screen jumped around and played with a blanket.

“I wonder what it would be like if the guys turned into cats…” I pondered as I slowly fell asleep watching cat videos.

\---

“Hmm…” I brought my hand up to my face to shoo away whatever was licking and pawing at my face. 

…

Wait, licking and pawing?

I slowly opened my eyes and found myself face to face with a white cat with big green eyes staring down at me. 

Why was a cat here? 

I pet the cat on the head and it nuzzled into my hand, puring. It’s eyes narrowed, clearly pleased. It looked like it was smiling at me.

I smiled back happily. “How sweet. You’re certainly a charmer aren’t you?” I checked for it’s gender. The sweetheart was a boy, eh?

I then heard a knock from the door. “Come in.” I ordered, and the door opened, revealing Aiji. 

“Ah, you’re awake.” The brunette spoke, sounding relieved.

I nodded, carefully sitting up. The white cat with green eyes had now settled in my lap, gracefully wagging his tail back and forth.

“I don’t recall ever seeing a cat around… Who is this one?” I scratched behind the cat’s ears and he rolled over, showing me his belly. I took the opportunity to give him some belly rubs.

Aiji sighed, scratching his head. “That’s Shiraishi.”

I tilted my head, still rubbing the cat’s belly. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me. Shiraishi turned into a cat.” He sounded exasperated.

I looked down at the cat who was now licking at my hand. “Ah, this is a dream, isn’t it?”

Aiji looked at me curiously as I carefully raised the cat who was supposed to be Shiraishi, up to my face.

Shiraishi--I mean the cat--licked at my lips, so I returned the gesture by kissing his nose.

One moment, I was holding a cat.

In the next, Kageyuki was on top of me, pinning me to the bed.

I woke up after that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick little fix lol


End file.
